①文章中部分句子结构松散,简单句过多,如:It happened during the midterm examinations. I was studying in senior one at the time. 以及I was not very good at English and so I used to worry about it. Luckily I found my good friend Li Yang sitting in front of me and he was very good at English.等,如果将它们改成并列句和复合句:It happened during the midterm examinations when I was in senior one.和I was not good at English at that time, but I wasn’t too worried because I found my good friend Li Yang, who was very good at English, sitting in front of me.就好多了。

②文章的结尾处用We practiced reading and writing a lot in my spare time and I made great progress with his help. In the final exam I was praised by my teacher. 做总结,句子太松散,不符合英语表达习惯,如改为"I made such great progress by practicing English with him in our spare time that I was even praised by my teacher in the final exam."会更好。

成稿:

Good afternoon! Everybody!

I’m glad to be here to share one of my most unforgettable experiences with you. It happened during the midterm examinations when I was in senior one.

I was not good at English at that time, but I wasn’t too worried about it because I found my good friend Li Yang, who was very good at English, sitting in front of me. However, when I whispered to him for the answers, he refused to give me any help, which made me quite upset. Of course, I failed that examination and my teacher was very angry with me. I made up my mind not to be friends with him any longer.

A few days later, however, he came to chat with me and made me realize my mistake of trying to cheat during an exam. What’s more, he offered to help me with my English study thereafter. I made such great progress by practicing English with him in my spare time that I was praised by my teacher in the final exams. From Joozone.com

Powerful sentences:

1. I have taken many examinations since I began my school study, but the one that impressed me the most happened when I was in the sixth grade.

2. I was so deeply moved by what he said and his behavior that I spared no efforts in studying English in return.

3. Thanks to his help, I made much greater progress. Not only did I pass the final examinations but I was even praised by my teacher.

4. With his help and guidance, I finished my school study and got a perfect grade in the College Entrance Examinations.

5. I was very impressed by what he had done for us and I will remember him forever.

巩固练习:

下面是小明写的一篇日记,请你替他给加拿大的笔友Peter写一封信,告诉他这次难忘的经历和感受。

3月12日星期二晴

我是一个不敢举手回答问题的人。可是今天，当老师提问时，我鼓起勇气举了一次手，因为我想试试。手举得虽不如其他同学高，老师却叫了我。我刚回答完，教室里立刻响起了掌声。老师也表扬了我，我非常感动，决心以后课前要认真准备，上课多举手发言。

我永远不会忘记这一次掌声，因为它使我有了勇气，有了信心。