习作原文

Dear Oscar,

     How are you today?Thank you for your help,I am sure my English write ability better than before,and I am interested in it now.

When I read your comments every night,I would say thank you in my heart because your comments were perfect,and I always found the loses in every composition,which made me surprise and thank.My previous English teacher was not care for me as I did not want to talk with him.

Maybe I was my fault,in total, my English write ability is very bad,luckily,I met you in internet,which made me have a confidence to write it down carefully.and I  will write a composition everydey until I enter a college.By the way ,I want to know what are your QQ number?

I hope I could talk with you,Best wishes to you,not best wish to you.

Yours，

Fu Yu

作文地带提供中文翻译：

尊敬的Oscar老师:
    您好！非常感谢您的帮助。现在我觉得我的英语写作水平比以前有了明显提高，而且越来越觉得英语写作非常有意思了。

每天晚上，我都会看您给我写的评语。我想发自内心的对您说声谢谢，因为您的批改太精彩了，使我总能认识到自己写作上的失误和不足。连我以前的老师都不会这样细心批改，这也许是因为我的写作水平很糟。但值得庆幸的是，我遇到了您，您让重新找回了对英语写作的信心。从现在开始，我要每天都要写一篇英语作文直到我考上大学。另外，您可不可以告诉我您的QQ号？我希望能时刻得到您的指导。
    此致

敬礼

Fu yu

Joozone批改：

1.I am sure my English write ability better than before,  写作能力，应该是writing ability; 另外后边知道用比较级了，但是忘记宾语从句的谓语了，应该加上is.
2.which made me surprise and thank  根据句意，用thank不是太好，最好用appreciate.

3.was not care for  本短语是以care为中心展开的，如果用care, 它是个动词，所以前面否定谓语动词就要变化了，不能用was not;如果用careful形容词，就可以这样用了。当然，最好用动词形式。

4.as I did not want to talk with him.  连词用的不恰当，应该表因果关系，所以最好用so.

5.Maybe I was my fault  笔误，是it.

6.in internet  介词用得不妥，最好用On，by , through.

7.nd I  will write a composition everyday until I enter a college.  写得有志气！
8.I want to know what are your QQ number?  本句从句法上看，是复合句，即know后边接的是宾语从句，但是，最后又加了问号，就互相矛盾了，因此，如果是宾语从句，就得用陈述句语序，并且不要问号；另外，宾语从句的主语是QQ number,单数，谓语应该用is.

评析：
Firstly , thank you very much for your so great evaluation! Yeah , I know you are very working—hard, and I know how important it is for a senior student to enter into college. Thus , in my heart , although , I am not your real teacher, I must take every composition which is assigned to me as a very serious task besides other students’. So long as I do it like this, I dare to say myself : you can have a sound sleep.

And I think so that almost other teachers are like what I said just now so please communicate with your own teacher more about your puzzles and your feelings. After that I think the relation between you and your teacher will become more harmonious!